


Capital Vice

by DragonflyxParodies, graywhims



Category: Original Work
Genre: Beware, Demons, Demons are pretty chill, Domestic, Domestic Drama, Drama, He Will, It's a wip guys so like, Lets see how this turns out, Multi, Our boi doesn't have a name yet but, SO, Satan is a landlord, The seven deadly sins, Turns Out, and, bc seven deadly sins? and seven colors on teh pride flag? coincidence??? i think the fuck not!!!, didn't really need an excuse but, its THERE, its also very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-23 04:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonflyxParodies/pseuds/DragonflyxParodies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/graywhims/pseuds/graywhims
Summary: When Lucifer accidentally challenges them to keep a mortal alive after yet another roommate dies of natural causes, things spiral out of control.The kid's a hot mess. And - well, they are too, but that's irrelevant. They've got a point to prove. And a landlord to win over. And an HOA to rule. And crime to fight. And a throne to defend. And...(Based off the Seven Friendly Sins tumblr writing prompt).





	Capital Vice

**Author's Note:**

> You know that tumblr prompt about a depressed guy moving into a house haunted by the seven deadly sins but they're like, my child, we must help
> 
> We're going there

               So it started like this. Seven of them, in the living room, mashed into a loveseat and a couch and a few dining room chairs dragged through the house, and Lucifer himself, in all his fiery glory, sitting in a too-small armchair that Greed had patched over one-too-many times _(it was too expensive to replace, she’d said)_. And atop the coffee table between them all, a butter-yellow light floated, still and quiet.

“Does somebody want to explain to me what the fuck happened?” Lucifer growled, and then shifted uncomfortably, glaring down at his tail. Which – he was sitting on. It would’ve been comical, if he hadn’t been in his true form.

Say what you will about the Lord of Hell, but he was surprisingly careful about mixed signals. And he never visited them in his true form without being _angry_.

None of the others so much as _twitched_ , even Lust, and Sloth ran a hand over her face and sighed as she dropped back against the cushions behind her.

These sorts of things were always so _exhausting._

“The coroner said there was a – that he had a heart attack.” And Lust didn’t _look_ scared, but they sure as Hell weren’t confident either – their voice was timid, eyes glued on their lap. Envy had his arm around their shoulders, which was – Envy comforting _anyone_ was something of an oddity, but Lust was _new_. Hadn’t even earned their name until a few weeks ago, and had only just been getting into the rhythm of things, settling into a mortal form and the general mess that was their existences.

When Sloth had been named, given her position, she’d been pissed about it. More work, after all. Her adjustment period had been spent avoiding the rest of the Sins and sleeping, up until the then-Pride had literally kicked her door in. She preferred her Pride to that old geezer, may he rest in pieces.

“A heart attack.” Lucifer repeated flatly, and Gluttony shrugged. The last one to go had choked on one of Gluttony’s special pies. It had been a stroke of bad luck, after all, but he’d been so offended at the idea that his food was less than perfect he’d…well. Mental health days existed for a reason. Sloth and Lucifer had had to literally drag him to Hell to get him to take one, but, it’d turned out alright.

“As always, I’m afraid. It’s no different this time around. We did not kill the last mortal, or the one before that, or the one before that – and we didn’t kill this one. I would say this place was cursed, but Envy has already checked.”

“Do you realize the town is calling us _haunted?_ _My house?_ ” Envy lurched forward in his seat as he snarled, and Wrath’s arm shot out, slamming the – and yes, Sloth loved the idiot, but _still –_ absolute dumbass back into his seat. One did not rage pace in front of Literal Satan when Literal Satan was angry with _you_.

“ _Relax_. We just…have bad luck, apparently.”

“This is the fifth mortal to have died _in your house_.”

“Excuse me, it’s _your_ house. You’re _literally_ our landlord.”

“I will fucking evict you.” Lucifer hissed, and – well, the other idiot in the family lived up to his name. Pride raised his chin and folded his arms over his chest.

“It’s a cover. Even if they are suspicious, or call us haunted – mortals love that stuff. Let the believe it. And it’s worked perfectly thus far. They don’t suspect _us_ of anything beside – well, murder. We’ve cooperated to the fullest extent possible with law enforcement. We’ll just have to make sure to keep the next one alive.”

So – Greed had been the one to start it. They’d had an extra room and everyone had banned Greed from turning into some kind of hoard, so she’d posted an ad online. Hadn’t asked them, but honestly by the time all six of them had noticed there was a mortal living with them it was kind of a moot point. The mortal’s presence hadn’t interfered with their daily activities, so they’d let it be.

And then the mortal had died. And they’d dealt with it. And turns out, Greed, the third dumbass in the family, hadn’t removed the ad. So they’d just…kept coming. And dying.

They were _demons_. The literal embodiment of the seven deadliest of sins, council to the Fallen One himself. And their roommates kept _dying_. Sloth would have been offended by it, if she’d had the energy to care.

“Next one? Are you _insane?_ This – it keeps drawing undue attention. To _all of you!_ And every fucking time I have to come up here to handle it is a waste of my time.” Lucifer stood as he spoke, tilting his head awkwardly to avoid his horns scratching the ceiling. Envy would have outright attacked him for that.

“We’ll do better.” Greed murmured, eyes tracking him intently. Sloth’s own gaze narrowed, caught the way Lucifer’s mouth twitched downward.

“Abso-fucking-lutley not.”

“Excuse me?”

“You lot couldn’t keep a human alive if you _tried_. So _stop_.” Lucifer’s words left no room for argument, thundering with all the power of – well, _Literal Satan_.

So it started with them, in a living room. It started with the Devil himself issuing a _challenge_.

And it ended a week later, when Wrath yanked open their front door and grinned at the little mortal standing on the porch, and Sloth watched from where she was slumped over the kitchen table.

_“Welcome home_.”


End file.
